JourneywomanYour friend's ex
June 3rd 2008 01:46
There are rules that have to be followed when it comes to dating (or hooking up with) your friend's ex, but each situation is going to be different so the lines can become blurred. For some people, having their friend date their ex is entirely unacceptable, while others couldn't care less - but most are going to be somewhere in between.
First of all, ask yourself this: are you willing to put your friendship at risk? Because that is what will happen if you choose to hook up with their ex. Friends should always come before relationships, 'bros before hos' and all that, because your friend will be there for you long after the relationship has ended. Or are you really, totally and completely in love with their ex? Did the attraction begin after your friend broke up with them, or were you secretly coveting them during their relationship? If so, be prepared to lie about it, as that is the ultimate betrayal. If you've seen the movie Alfie you'll know what I mean - this is a make or break situation, and if you're not prepared to risk the friendship, then you should stay away from their ex.
Time is a huge factor in this matter - both the length of time they were together, and how much time has passed since the breakup. If it's been less than three months, then chances are your friend is still harbouring some feelings for their ex, and you marching on in there would be the worst possible thing you could do to them. And if they were with their ex for more than a year, then the situation is even worse as it is was a 'serious' relationship for them, not just a fling. A good rule of thumb is to allow the same amount of time that your friend was with them to elapse before you make your move. So if they were with them for six months, then be prepared to wait another six months before the two of you go public with your new relationship.
You need to be extra careful in a situation like this, as the risk of backlash is high. If you're prepared to risk the friendship, then go for it - but if not, get over your friend's ex and find someone new. Unless your friend's ex is truly the love of your life, it's best to avoid hooking up with them, as the problems that can be caused will often outweigh the joy that the relationship would bring. Tread lightly, take everyone's feelings into account, and be prepared to sacrifice your own happiness - and horniness! - for the sake of the friendship. Remember, you can't always have what you want, and there is a reason for that - sometimes, you have to put other people first. Best of luck to you.
Happiness... but at what cost?
First of all, ask yourself this: are you willing to put your friendship at risk? Because that is what will happen if you choose to hook up with their ex. Friends should always come before relationships, 'bros before hos' and all that, because your friend will be there for you long after the relationship has ended. Or are you really, totally and completely in love with their ex? Did the attraction begin after your friend broke up with them, or were you secretly coveting them during their relationship? If so, be prepared to lie about it, as that is the ultimate betrayal. If you've seen the movie Alfie you'll know what I mean - this is a make or break situation, and if you're not prepared to risk the friendship, then you should stay away from their ex.
Time is a huge factor in this matter - both the length of time they were together, and how much time has passed since the breakup. If it's been less than three months, then chances are your friend is still harbouring some feelings for their ex, and you marching on in there would be the worst possible thing you could do to them. And if they were with their ex for more than a year, then the situation is even worse as it is was a 'serious' relationship for them, not just a fling. A good rule of thumb is to allow the same amount of time that your friend was with them to elapse before you make your move. So if they were with them for six months, then be prepared to wait another six months before the two of you go public with your new relationship.
You need to be extra careful in a situation like this, as the risk of backlash is high. If you're prepared to risk the friendship, then go for it - but if not, get over your friend's ex and find someone new. Unless your friend's ex is truly the love of your life, it's best to avoid hooking up with them, as the problems that can be caused will often outweigh the joy that the relationship would bring. Tread lightly, take everyone's feelings into account, and be prepared to sacrifice your own happiness - and horniness! - for the sake of the friendship. Remember, you can't always have what you want, and there is a reason for that - sometimes, you have to put other people first. Best of luck to you.
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