JourneywomanLearning to say 'no' - again
August 10th 2008 10:54
It seems that when it comes to turning down dates with guys I know I won’t be interested in, ever, I still am just unable to do it. I know that I’ll be hurting their feelings more in the long run, but still I just can’t fly in the face of someone who is brave enough (or, perhaps, stupid enough) to ask me out.
Tonight I was asked out to dinner by another acquaintance. We were chatting on facebook and he asked whether I wanted him to cook me dinner, or for him to take me out. I pulled out all the usual excuses, including that my ex was a dickhead and that I was over guys in general. The honest truth is that this guy is lovely as a friend, but his intelligence does not match mine, nor his education, and he’s kind of boorish and …. well… fat. Which makes me sound like an absolute bitch, a right royal snob, and maybe I am, but I know that I’ll never be into him as more than a friend.
I suppose he’s not as dumb as I originally thought, because he well and truly cornered me into agreeing to a date. He said that he’d prove to me that not all guys are dickheads like my ex (who actually isn't a dickhead - I lied to him about that), and that he’d pay for the date. We’re going out this Friday night to an excellent tapas bar, and while I’m not dreading it – it’ll just be dinner with a friend, nothing to get stressed about – I am dreading having to let him down, and let him know that I’m not attracted to him.
I really wish that some men were better at taking hints, because like most women I’m good at hints, but not outright rejection. And once again, it’s that same grey issue – will he think that I’ve led him on by accepting the date, or will he see, as I do, that dating is merely a means of testing the waters? Of being a sociable person? I really, really hope it’s the latter. It'll be a way of proving to myself that it's not wrong to accept a date, even if it's done for the wrong reasons (like trying to be nice). I hope to get to know him better as a person, because one cannot have too many friends, right?
Maybe I'm just kidding myself. Maybe I'm setting this guy up for a huge dose of pain. At any rate, it'll be a learning experience for us both... I'll let you know what happens.
Tonight I was asked out to dinner by another acquaintance. We were chatting on facebook and he asked whether I wanted him to cook me dinner, or for him to take me out. I pulled out all the usual excuses, including that my ex was a dickhead and that I was over guys in general. The honest truth is that this guy is lovely as a friend, but his intelligence does not match mine, nor his education, and he’s kind of boorish and …. well… fat. Which makes me sound like an absolute bitch, a right royal snob, and maybe I am, but I know that I’ll never be into him as more than a friend.
I suppose he’s not as dumb as I originally thought, because he well and truly cornered me into agreeing to a date. He said that he’d prove to me that not all guys are dickheads like my ex (who actually isn't a dickhead - I lied to him about that), and that he’d pay for the date. We’re going out this Friday night to an excellent tapas bar, and while I’m not dreading it – it’ll just be dinner with a friend, nothing to get stressed about – I am dreading having to let him down, and let him know that I’m not attracted to him.
I really wish that some men were better at taking hints, because like most women I’m good at hints, but not outright rejection. And once again, it’s that same grey issue – will he think that I’ve led him on by accepting the date, or will he see, as I do, that dating is merely a means of testing the waters? Of being a sociable person? I really, really hope it’s the latter. It'll be a way of proving to myself that it's not wrong to accept a date, even if it's done for the wrong reasons (like trying to be nice). I hope to get to know him better as a person, because one cannot have too many friends, right?
Maybe I'm just kidding myself. Maybe I'm setting this guy up for a huge dose of pain. At any rate, it'll be a learning experience for us both... I'll let you know what happens.
| 48 |
| Vote |
Shared on
Subscribe to this blog
Comment by josh fulgencio
foodie goodies
the journalist in me
Food Boxing
this is artistry
don't you think it will be putting your heart at stake if ever you agree upon doing this?
i mean, you officially know what you're about to face, that is, uncertainty.
i suggest, think it over again.
Comment by Cibbuano
20/20 Filmsight
Science News
Hunt Famous
Orble Post of the Day
Fat Cult
Techbreak
Especially those of us that are a little chubby. We've got to trick you into going out on a date, and seeing that we're full of personality, otherwise, you'd never look at us twice.
This quote:
makes you sound awful. What's with the need for your date to be as educated as you? Is an education really worth that much? After being in uni, I'd argue that the clever ones are the people that avoid university...
Comment by Journeywoman
Great Hair Style Tips
I Dream of Hollywood
Australian Chick
Fashion Peach
Comment by Cibbuano
20/20 Filmsight
Science News
Hunt Famous
Orble Post of the Day
Fat Cult
Techbreak
If that's important to you, you gotta go with your instincts!
re: education - I know what you mean. But I suspect that having a university education has only given me the illusion of being intellectual. It used to be that doing a degree was a substantial amount of work, research and passion for knowledge. Now, it seems little more than skin-deep penetration of a topic and regurgitation for an exam.
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
Watch it though - I never went to uni (though I wanted to) and I can philosophise with the best of ya!
But you got the right formula - after years of sub educated morons that knew every car part but couldnt read a book, meeting my man was like being in some kind of sappy romance movie. Within 20 minutes we were embroiled in a fierce debate over the political policies of Augustus Caeser (was he a good guy or a bad guy?) and all of our friends were just totally cut out of the conversation. They didnt know who Tacitus was.