JourneywomanHow many partners is too many?
June 20th 2008 01:26
Once upon a time, women were expected to remain virgins until marriage - regardless of their religious beliefs - while men were free to 'sow their wild oats'. Mathematically, it doesn't make sense - how could all the women be virgins if the men were being sexually explorative? The basic answer is, of course, that there were women who were ahead of their time and somewhat more relaxed with their bodies than the uptight status quo. Even if a woman had only been with a handful of men, she was still labelled a 'slut' and not considered to be appropriate marriage material. That's the double standard rearing its ugly head, and sadly, it still exists today.
But while women are no longer expected to be virgins until marriage, there is still an unspoken limit to how many sexual partners she can have before she is considered 'easy'. This limit varies from person to person; everyone will have a different idea of what number is acceptable and what number isn't.
For most men, if a woman has been with more sexual partners than he has, he's going to feel somewhat insecure about how he compares to all the others. He may also feel as though he's not with someone 'special' and may have images of her consorting with all those other men. For this reason, many women feel compelled to lie about the number of partners they've had - as the old saying goes, multiply what she says by three and you'll have the right number. The problem with this is that not all women are liars, but the guy isn't to know this unless he knows her extremely well!
My number of partners is 14, which for a 25-year-old who lost her virginity at 18, equates to two sexual partners per year. I can say this in all honesty, because I'm hiding behind a pseudonym. It's more than I'd like it to be - I regret several of my hookups, as half of them were drug and alcohol-fuelled one-night stands - but it's less than many other women my age. Still, I wouldn't feel comfortable imparting this information to a guy I really cared about, because it might be more than he's been with and he may end up thinking less of me. I wouldn't want to lie; most likely I'd try to dodge the question or simply refuse to answer.
One of my ex-boyfriends, who was 35, had been with over 60 women (he'd forgotten the exact number). Morally, this didn't bother me at all - and he was incredible in the sack - but I refused to have sex with him without a condom until he'd seen his doctor and been given the all-clear on sexually transmitted diseases. But had he been a woman, and I a man, then 60 would be an unacceptable number. It's sad that society dictates that what is fine for a man is not fine for a woman, but we have to accept the times we are living in and follow the unspoken rules.
So in your opinion, how many sexual partners is too many? Or does it not bother you at all? Let me know your thoughts orblers.
But while women are no longer expected to be virgins until marriage, there is still an unspoken limit to how many sexual partners she can have before she is considered 'easy'. This limit varies from person to person; everyone will have a different idea of what number is acceptable and what number isn't.
For most men, if a woman has been with more sexual partners than he has, he's going to feel somewhat insecure about how he compares to all the others. He may also feel as though he's not with someone 'special' and may have images of her consorting with all those other men. For this reason, many women feel compelled to lie about the number of partners they've had - as the old saying goes, multiply what she says by three and you'll have the right number. The problem with this is that not all women are liars, but the guy isn't to know this unless he knows her extremely well!
My number of partners is 14, which for a 25-year-old who lost her virginity at 18, equates to two sexual partners per year. I can say this in all honesty, because I'm hiding behind a pseudonym. It's more than I'd like it to be - I regret several of my hookups, as half of them were drug and alcohol-fuelled one-night stands - but it's less than many other women my age. Still, I wouldn't feel comfortable imparting this information to a guy I really cared about, because it might be more than he's been with and he may end up thinking less of me. I wouldn't want to lie; most likely I'd try to dodge the question or simply refuse to answer.
One of my ex-boyfriends, who was 35, had been with over 60 women (he'd forgotten the exact number). Morally, this didn't bother me at all - and he was incredible in the sack - but I refused to have sex with him without a condom until he'd seen his doctor and been given the all-clear on sexually transmitted diseases. But had he been a woman, and I a man, then 60 would be an unacceptable number. It's sad that society dictates that what is fine for a man is not fine for a woman, but we have to accept the times we are living in and follow the unspoken rules.
So in your opinion, how many sexual partners is too many? Or does it not bother you at all? Let me know your thoughts orblers.
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Comment by Lara M
Love Speaks
It is unfortunate that there is that double standard...
Comment by Johnny Come Lately
Jack's Back