JourneywomanDating out of your league
May 27th 2008 05:13
When it comes to dating, some would say that it's not even possible to date out of your league, because the very fact that you two are together puts you in the same league. Now this is not necessarily true: it is possible to date out of your league, though it admittedly does happen only rarely. Essentially, if you want to date someone who is out of your league, you'll have to actually become a part of their league before you have a chance with them.
If you've got your eye on one particular person and don't know what league they're in (it's not always immediately obvious), then get to know them first before you decide upon whether they're appropriate relationship material, or hook-up material. Sometimes a woman who appears to be Alpha on the outside is actually a Beta - just as insecure as the rest of us, but perhaps more prettily packaged. If you're a Beta, then you can go right ahead in trying to seduce her - depending on your luck, her mood and the planetary alignment, she may respond favourably. If not, she may consider herself to be out of your league.
Which brings us to the problem - what if someone believes themselves to be in a league that they are not, in fact, a part of? They get a reputation for being snobbish and self-righteous. If a Beta woman considers herself an Alpha, then she's probably not going to find happiness anytime soon because she refuses to lower her too-high standards. Beta males who think themselves Alpha I find to be insufferable, and annoying in that they tend to hit on women frequently.
If you want to date an Alpha, then you'll have to actually become one - and yes, they are (almost always) made, not born. If you're raising your standards of who you date, then naturally you'll have to raise your standards in how you present yourself to others. More confidence, a cocky but not arrogant attitude, and greater wit are all things you can work on in making the transition to Alpha. It's not an easy task, nor is it meant to be, but if you really want to date Alphas then you're going to have to make the change. Like I said before, rarely, if ever can you date out of your league - you have to become a part of the league that holds the partner you desire, before you can be with them.
Petra Nemcova - out of your league!
If you've got your eye on one particular person and don't know what league they're in (it's not always immediately obvious), then get to know them first before you decide upon whether they're appropriate relationship material, or hook-up material. Sometimes a woman who appears to be Alpha on the outside is actually a Beta - just as insecure as the rest of us, but perhaps more prettily packaged. If you're a Beta, then you can go right ahead in trying to seduce her - depending on your luck, her mood and the planetary alignment, she may respond favourably. If not, she may consider herself to be out of your league.
Which brings us to the problem - what if someone believes themselves to be in a league that they are not, in fact, a part of? They get a reputation for being snobbish and self-righteous. If a Beta woman considers herself an Alpha, then she's probably not going to find happiness anytime soon because she refuses to lower her too-high standards. Beta males who think themselves Alpha I find to be insufferable, and annoying in that they tend to hit on women frequently.
If you want to date an Alpha, then you'll have to actually become one - and yes, they are (almost always) made, not born. If you're raising your standards of who you date, then naturally you'll have to raise your standards in how you present yourself to others. More confidence, a cocky but not arrogant attitude, and greater wit are all things you can work on in making the transition to Alpha. It's not an easy task, nor is it meant to be, but if you really want to date Alphas then you're going to have to make the change. Like I said before, rarely, if ever can you date out of your league - you have to become a part of the league that holds the partner you desire, before you can be with them.
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Comment by Brad Gaylard
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Is it a function of beauty? Intellect? Wealth? Popularity? or is it just an attitude?
What are the parameters of The League?
I once dated a girl who I first assumed was out of my league (by virtue of the fact tha she was so incredibly gorgeous and had an army of guys after her)... turns out she wanted me. Maybe it was because I didn't even try to hit on her...I dunno.
It was fun while it lasted.
Comment by Journeywoman
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Brad, it's not a defined thing as such, I read about it in a book (Aldous Huxley's Brave New World). It refers to all the things you mentioned - beauty, intellect, personality and so on - and places people in brackets of other people who are equal to them in these ways. The parameters are blurry and it's highly subjective, but it's a handy way of referring to people, and once you begin doing it you can't stop! Read Beta Girl Blog (not a blog of mine) if you want more evidence of this.
If this girl wanted you and she was gorgeous, then there's s strong possibility that you're an Alpha male, and don't even realise it. Good for you Brad.
Comment by Raoul Duke
Style of Eye
Is that really Petra .... and not Kate Moss? Looks like Kate's face, but then Kate isn't quite as busty as the woman pictured, so I guess it must be Petra.
Comment by Stanley
Comment by Journeywoman
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Come on Stan, that's no way to talk about yourself!