JourneywomanAre you wasting time in a doomed relationship?
January 3rd 2008 00:06
I was chatting to a male colleague of mine a couple of weeks before Christmas, and I asked him if he was still with his girlfriend. He gave me a guilty look and said yes, he was, but only until the end of the holiday break. He was waiting for the holiday season to end before he broke up with her because he figured things would be easier for both of them if he took this delayed course of action. And it got me thinking: how many people are wasting time in a relationship they know is going to end? And why do we stay in doomed relationships? I know that I’ve carried on a relationship for longer than I should have, and I reckon most people have been in this situation or a similar one.
Perhaps the major reason for delaying a breakup is comfort. We’ve gotten to know that person well enough to know that they’re not the one for us, and we’ve fallen into the rut of being comfortable with them. To break up with them would take us out of our comfort zone, something that humans naturally avoid whenever possible. We don’t want to hurt the person – after all, we’ve come to care a lot for them over the months or years we’ve been with them. But ultimately, we’re wasting time by continuing the relationship, and delaying the breakup could actually hurt the other person more than doing it when we’ve decided it’s the right thing to do. It’s not fair to that person, or to ourselves, to deny the opportunity to meet another person, someone who is more suited to us.
Even if you break up with your partner in due time, there will be fallout from the relationship – you’ll need time to recover before you get out there and start dating again. A new relationship should not be started when the waters are still murky from the end of the last one. For some people this takes only weeks, but for most we’ll be hurting from the last relationship for months, particularly if said relationship was a marriage or a partnership that lasted several years. So with the inevitable time that it takes to get over that person, why would you want to waste even more precious time by delaying the breakup? You need to push your limits and get out of your comfort zone, for the sake of both you and your partner. End it now, rather than in the future, and you’ll ultimately feel better for it.
And when you’re ready to date again, you’ll be thankful that you ended your last relationship in good time, because you’re not blocking yourself (and your former partner) from meeting someone new, someone who is more likely to make you happy in the long run. Every relationship we have should get us closer and closer to meeting the one person who is right for us, and if you know that you’re not with that person now, you should end it as soon as possible. Wasting time in a doomed relationship is a surefire way of becoming an unhappy person, and that is not what you want. Best of luck to you.
Perhaps the major reason for delaying a breakup is comfort. We’ve gotten to know that person well enough to know that they’re not the one for us, and we’ve fallen into the rut of being comfortable with them. To break up with them would take us out of our comfort zone, something that humans naturally avoid whenever possible. We don’t want to hurt the person – after all, we’ve come to care a lot for them over the months or years we’ve been with them. But ultimately, we’re wasting time by continuing the relationship, and delaying the breakup could actually hurt the other person more than doing it when we’ve decided it’s the right thing to do. It’s not fair to that person, or to ourselves, to deny the opportunity to meet another person, someone who is more suited to us.
Even if you break up with your partner in due time, there will be fallout from the relationship – you’ll need time to recover before you get out there and start dating again. A new relationship should not be started when the waters are still murky from the end of the last one. For some people this takes only weeks, but for most we’ll be hurting from the last relationship for months, particularly if said relationship was a marriage or a partnership that lasted several years. So with the inevitable time that it takes to get over that person, why would you want to waste even more precious time by delaying the breakup? You need to push your limits and get out of your comfort zone, for the sake of both you and your partner. End it now, rather than in the future, and you’ll ultimately feel better for it.
And when you’re ready to date again, you’ll be thankful that you ended your last relationship in good time, because you’re not blocking yourself (and your former partner) from meeting someone new, someone who is more likely to make you happy in the long run. Every relationship we have should get us closer and closer to meeting the one person who is right for us, and if you know that you’re not with that person now, you should end it as soon as possible. Wasting time in a doomed relationship is a surefire way of becoming an unhappy person, and that is not what you want. Best of luck to you.
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I delayed breaking up because he was in another city, so I only get to see him like once a month and the rest of the time I was practically single.
What a waste of 6 years!
Comment by KylieW
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But in having said that. I think it's best to just get it over and done with. I don't think you do either of you any favours by dragging it out (easy to say, it once took me about 6 months to break up with one of my boyfriends!!!)