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Australian Chick - by Journeywoman

Welcome to Australian Chick.com. Here you'll find an Aussie girl's perspective on dating, love and all that goes with it. Let me know what you think by leaving me a comment below.

Australian Chick

Confidence: The sexiest trait a man can have

July 4th 2008 04:42

Confidence. It's that hard-to-define, often elusive quality that some people possess, and most people don't. When you meet a naturally confident person, you sit up and take notice. You hang on their every word, and deep down you realise that you are seeking their approval - even if you are not normally like that. Confidence is hard to fake, especially if you're a man trying to fake confidence with women, as most chicks are intuitive enough to see straight through you. You'll come across as an insecure, annoying prat who doesn't respect himself enough to be, well, himself.

You'd have to be confident to wear a shirt like that...

And that's the kicker. Real confidence is all about respecting yourself, and knowing that whatever life throws at you, you can handle it. It's about knowing who you are, where your strengths lie, and projecting that onto the world. It's about being yourself, but being the best self that you can be.

And if you really want to be successful with women, you need to cultivate this trait, as it is quite possibly the sexiest characteristic a man can have. I'm not talking arrogance or cockiness, which can irritate more than impress, but a quiet belief in yourself. True confidence does not boast as it doesn't need to. The truly confident man couldn't give a damn what anyone else thinks, and this gives them an attitude that women find irresistible.

This morning, a truly confident guy came into my work, and I'm still thinking about him now, even though we only interacted for a few minutes. I'd seen him before at parties, and went to school with his sister. He's not the best-looking guy ever, and wouldn't be much taller than me, but the way he regarded me made me thankful that I was sitting down at the time. He was respectful and polite, wasn't trying to suck up to me (most men do), and he held my eyes for the longest time, with a sparkle in them that said he knew that I found him attractive. I'm sure I was blushing; perhaps that tipped him off. But the point is, everything about him projected confidence, and it was utterly sexy.

Cultivating genuine confidence can only be done through life experience, social interaction and lots of practice dealing with the opposite sex. I'm confident with men (most of the time!) because I grew up with a twin brother and consequently have had male friends my whole life; I know what interests and motivates them. If you're a guy and don't have any female friends, then now's the time to make them - they'll teach you invaluable lessons about dealing with women. Also, check out what's available on the Internet when it comes to advice about developing genuine confidence - some of it will be unhelpful, but more than likely you'll be able to find some advice appropriate to your situation.

Just remember, if you want to be truly successful with women, you need to become a genuinely confident person - it cannot simply be faked. Best of luck to you.

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Keeping the mystery

July 2nd 2008 03:42

If you're single and looking to be in a relationship - or even just looking to pick up - then keeping an air of mystery about yourself is of utmost importance. It'll make you seem like a fascinating person, someone that people want to know more about, and will consequently make you appear more attractive to the opposite sex. There's a reason the tall, dark and mysterious man is so sexy to women - and it's not the tall and dark part that does it.

You might want to keep the smoking under wraps...

But how do you go about creating this mystique? Simply by not giving away too much, too soon. In this age of myspace and facebook, anyone can find out what they want to know about someone simply by logging on and having a snoop. Following someone's comments can give people a world of knowledge about the person in question - their likes and dislikes, their attitudes, the kind of people they hang with, their intelligence and their personality in general, not to mention all of their vital stats. It's really an intrusion of privacy, and one that countless people are all too willing to accept. And think about it - the more you give away about yourself, the more likely you are to say something that will turn people off you, often before they've even met you. For example, I'm no longer interested in a guy I used to find attractive, because of a homophobic headline he stupidly put on his myspace page.

Now, there's no denying that networking sites such as these are valuable as a means of keeping in contact with people, but all too often they are used for purposes beyond this. When I overheard people discussing an in-joke that I'd had with some friends on myspace - and taking it completely out of context - I realised just how damaging these sites could be, and how un-mysterious I'd made myself. It's for this reason that I deleted my myspace account, and deactivated my facebook profile, several months ago - and I've never been happier or felt more secure. Having your privacy back, and not feeling paranoid about who's watching you, is the best feeling in the world after having it taken away, even though I took it away by choice in the first place. If unknown people want to contact me, they can ask my friends (who are, mostly, all still on facebook) for my email address.

In addition to being careful about what information you place on the worldwide web, you should take care, in conversation, not to let too much slip out. In particular, if you barely know someone or are on a date with them, don't tell them about your prejudices, fears and problems, for you'll not only make them uncomfortable, but they may easily misjudge you. Verbal diarrhea also has no place in situations like this - they don't need to know your life story, the details of your job, or how many people you've slept with. By taking away the mystery you'll seem less interesting, and consequently less attractive. You should only reveal the lesser sides of yourself after you've been with them for enough time to establish real intimacy.

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Learning to say 'no'

June 25th 2008 01:37

About two years ago I was asked on a date by a guy I knew only as an acquaintance, who happened to be in a wheelchair. I was somewhat shocked at the request, and in no way attracted to him, but for some reason I just couldn't say no. Looking back I see that it was a combination of him putting me on the spot, and me feeling unusually charitable at that particular moment. I assumed that he was just a nice guy in a wheelchair, and that in some way it was my civic duty to show him a fun night.

But while I saw the date as nothing more than dinner with a potential new friend, he saw it as the start of a relationship. I'm quite certain that I'm the only girl who'd ever said yes to him, and because of this he assumed that I was attracted to him also. He put a massive effort into the date, getting a friend to drive us, getting his hair cut into a 'funky' (read: awful) new style, and generally putting on a huge show rather than just being relaxed and natural.

Sadly, I soon discovered that he was not simply a nice guy in a wheelchair - he was an egotistical, sexist, homophobic guy in a wheelchair! By the end of that pity date I was thoroughly sick of him, though of course I didn't show it (I'm nothing if not polite) and I gave him a perfunctory kiss on the cheek as I said goodnight.

It made for a great story - my female friends thought I'd done a really good thing by going out with him, my male friends, however, thought differently. One of them told me that in accepting the date I'd led him on, and that if I thought I'd heard the last of it, I was mistaken.

He was right, of course. Wheelchair guy called me the following day, assuming that things had gone brilliantly even though all he got at the end of the night was a lacklustre, friends-only kiss on the cheek. He wanted to see me again and this time I said no, saying that I'd had a fun night but that I wasn't into him as more than a friend. He refused to accept this information and over the course of the next few days, would call me again and again, wanting to meet up. Finally I gave in and agreed to see him during the day at a cafe, so I could explain my situation in detail and so that he would understand and accept it.

I did so, making my intentions clear as a bell whilst trying not to insult him, but the very fact that I'd agreed to 'go out' with him a second time seemed to him further confirmation that I was interested in him as more than a friend. This guy is not an idiot, he just has a very well-tuned denial system. He refused to believe what I was saying - the egotism showing itself in full force - and I left without having made any progress whatsoever.

He continued calling and texting me, and all I could do from then was ignore him and refuse to return his calls. If you ignore something for long enough, it goes away, right? In the end, he must have finally got the hint, because he did stop calling. But he must have felt hugely rejected because he began to slander me behind my back. Whenever I saw him in social situations and said a casual, indifferent 'hello', he would turn away angrily. In the end, by not saying 'no' to him in the first place, I'd made a huge mess of things and probably really hurt him, which isn't fair even if the guy is an arrogant prick.

So what's the moral of this story? If someone asks you out and you know that you are not, and never will be, attracted to them, you need to say no. Sure, you might cause a little hurt in the short term with your hasty rejection, but it's far better than making them believe that they stand a chance with you. It takes guts to say no - especially if you are initially shocked at the request - but it's a necessary evil. You'll save yourself a lot of hassle, and spare the other person's feelings in the long run.

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How many partners is too many?

June 20th 2008 01:26

Once upon a time, women were expected to remain virgins until marriage - regardless of their religious beliefs - while men were free to 'sow their wild oats'. Mathematically, it doesn't make sense - how could all the women be virgins if the men were being sexually explorative? The basic answer is, of course, that there were women who were ahead of their time and somewhat more relaxed with their bodies than the uptight status quo. Even if a woman had only been with a handful of men, she was still labelled a 'slut' and not considered to be appropriate marriage material. That's the double standard rearing its ugly head, and sadly, it still exists today.

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May 21st 2008 02:05

Sometimes, the reason you're single is obvious - perhaps you're still recovering from a breakup, or maybe you're too busy at work to think about having a relationship. Other times, however, the reason is not so willing to show itself, and after long stretches of singledom, you may start to wonder what is wrong with you. Am I too fat? Not pretty enough? Is my personality boring to others? It can really etch away your self-esteem.